I have little to no emotional attachment to family and friend, however I have lived my life from a young age imitating people around me. Examples being that when someone is "mad" at some one their voice gets louder. Or when your "sad" you cry. And recently I have been able to do these things that make it seem like I identify certain "feelings" however while I am doing and acting like it I feel the same at all times. Recently people have been telling me that lying is "never" OK yet i get the impression that I cant simple tell them the truth, because they would not like the fact that my entire relationship with them has basically been a lie. And its been EXTREMELY hard for me to act like I care every single day, and I feel like it would make my life easier to have them deal with my lack of caring, but at the same time I don't know how they would react. So basically my question is should I continue to lie and make them feel something that I can't, or make my life easy and tell them that I don't have the things they are looking for?
Topic: Is lying wrong?
Do you care that these people are around? Do they serve a purpose or a function? I lie to people everyday so long as they pay something back to me. I pretend to have this love for my close friends because they keep me company, they keep me from being by myself. So the effort of pretending and lying is worth it. People who give nothing to me get no cushion. If I lie, it's purely for manipulation
Lying is wrong, if you think that it's wrong. If you don't then it's not.
I'm on a journey but I've learned that communication is verbal and non verbal. So if you are looking them with actions, words, or some other way, it's not lying necessarily..
I decided to tell people around me about my alexithymia.
So now they know, and since I can be myself without pretending feeling emotions I don't.
Some of them think it's not true, others don't understand but accept it.
But the important thing is that now I don't need to lie anymore, and my life is really easier now !
I understand what you are going through, ADHD runs in my family, myself included. So my mother was hyper emotional all the time, so I learned to fake every emotion to their highest peak. Luckily for me with alexithymia, I don't have the to deal with the hyper emotional impulses.
But after faking emotions for so long, it got tiring to put up a different mask for every scenario, and I realized that there was no point in me faking my emotions. I openly told my friends, some of them accept me for who I am, other don't talk to me. And I've met alot if people who understand that I just see them as a convenience and like that I don't have to put up an act around them. They don't see it as wrong, and accept me for myself.
So if you want a meaningful relationship with some people then let them know, it's easier when you don't have to put up an act with people you actually want to be close with. And if the people you tell take it the wrong way, then they aren't worth your time. Dealing with emotional, illogical people is not worth the time or effort.
And no I don't see how putting up and act is bad, lying isn't good or bad it's whatever you want it to be.
Even now I have to fake emotions around people, makes going to work alot easier. But I have people around me that I could just be myself around. Which is the plus.
And when I am faking emotions, it's usually for my own personal gain, or because I get some out of it. And sometimes it's some friends that I like to be around them, but they wouldn't be able to deal with the real me.
Lying is a moral principal, it's not an emotion. I suppose not feeling remorseful or guilt for lying may be alexithymia. But even the fact that you'd lie about your emotions in order to prevent any negative feelings of theirs or confrontations, shows to some degree you care somewhat. At any rate, to recognize your condition is step one. Step two is to begin to manage it. Build up your weaknesses.
If your family and friends truly care for you they will not only accept the truth but they deserve it as well. The truth will serve to help them understand you better and hopefully create a more authentic bond.
What good is a relationship without truth and growth anyways? In my opinion, by lying to them you are not allowing them to understand your personality at all.
Alexithymia doesnt make people emotionless monsters. You're perfectly capable of functioning fine in the world. You have a slew of logical and intellectual tools to use in order to assist you with your lack of emotional communication and interpretation. I suggest trying to be honest while improving your flaws and your relationships.
To answer your question, lying is only wrong if you believe it to be wrong. Whether or not something is wrong or right falls under morality, which is completely subjective. You're the only person in your life who can decide whether something is good or bad.
There isn't anything wrong with lying. People lie not becauz they're bad people, but becauz it's convienient for them to. There's no use being guilty about it.
I would tell the truth, however even though I feel nothing for these people, instinctively I know that they are good people, and I do not want to hurt them. and they would be very hurt to find this out. my two cents
By the age of four, 90% of children have learned the concept of lying. Based on studies performed in the past, it is estimated that 60% of adults can not have a ten minute conversation without lying at least once. Within those ten minutes, an average of three lies were told.
I think we logically determine how serious a lie is before we tell it. A serious lie puts people in danger, or jeopardizes us in some way (job loss, retaliation, prison, etc.) Most of us contain our lies so that they don't cause serious harm.
Social and interpersonal lies make life bearable. Alexithymia is a condition that affects our emotions, but not our morality or system of ethics. So we should be able to evaluate our lies before we tell them.
I had the same question years ago! After a while I figured out that if I lie to people then I need to remember my lies and that's just too much work... so I don't... :)
Of course what people don't know can't hurt them so not telling them everything IMO is perfectly fine.
On the other hand what would be a reason to lie about something? Usually for other people it's either for gain when they're doing it consciously, or because of the emotions that they're having at the moment when they're doing it unconsciously. I'm perfectly able to gain stuff by doing my own work and I don't have too many emotions besides getting irritated from time to time... so I don't... :)
But... the topic of lying is quite fascinating... Do animals lie? Quick search on google and... Resounding YES. So... Is being able to consciously express yourself without confusing emotions and unneeded lies something to strive for? Or being a bad liar is just evolutionary disadvantage?