Topic: Does anyone feel as if when something bad has happened they have been shot in the soul?

English Alexithymia Forum > Questions and Answers

Does anyone feel as if when something bad has happened they have been shot in the soul?
23.02.2019 by Will1234

I sometimes get a weird feeling that if something very bad has happened or my schedule has been altered significantly that something has plunged through my chest, can anyone relate or is this just HFA?

23.02.2019 by Jute

It's probably a consequence of HFA. Personally I don't believe in any god or gods so consequently I don't believe in souls but I really don't like routines or plans to be altered without warning. It tends to make me angry, withdrawn, sulky or aggressive.

23.02.2019 by Will1234

I’m not religious in any way but soul was the only word I could think of.

23.02.2019 by Will1234

Choose lungs then

24.02.2019 by Jute

Yeah, I understand what you mean. I think that's a sort of autism combined with alexithymia thing. Distress at having routines or plans altered is autistic but being unable to really describe the emotions involved or the way in which they impact you is probably due to alexithymia. Saying that having plans and routines upset is 'disturbing' or 'frightening,' or anything else, doesn't really convey what it's like, perhaps it's really some sort of combination of various emotions? I don't know, I just know that it can make me feel physically ill when something is suddenly changed at the last moment.

24.02.2019 by Will1234

I don’t feel frightened when a schedule is changed but I fear that the schedule will be changed. If it is changed then my head will feel dizzy and I will be cut off from the world, i will panic about whether i can fit it in ata another time and then I will generate a massive headache as I try to reschedule everything to fit into the time boundaries.

25.02.2019 by Jute

I don't really know how to put into words what I feel when plans are changed or interrupted. I'm crap at recognising feelings and emotions, which is part and parcel of what being Alexithymic means. So I tend to use the word 'uncomfortable' quite a lot when trying to describe feelings, it covers lots of situations.

25.02.2019 by Will1234

Yeh I can describe physical feelings but emotions ????.
I’ve kind of adopted my own scale of how I feel or think I feel but I constantly need a scale to describe emotions to others if I’m not feeling neutrality.

So if my someone asked me whether I’m happy with something I’ll either say yes so they don’t ask anymore questions on emotions because then I have to describe them, or I’ll ask for a time to relate it to when I felt the same way. e.g I was as happy as I was when I saw deadpool at the cinema.

25.02.2019 by Will1234

Because I’m not sure if what I was feeling was happening so I’ve labelled the way I feel so my idea of happiness is different to everyone else’s.

26.02.2019 by Jute

I enjoy things but that's as far as I can go. If I was asked why I enjoyed something or what it made me 'feel' I'd have no answer. Although as an autistic I tend to see thinks in terms of Black & White, when it comes to feeling it's definitely Grey, like fog, nondescript and flat.

26.02.2019 by Will1234

Yeh even is someone asked if something was good I’ll ask, what’s good? And say it’s as good as something else that they also know about.

26.02.2019 by Jute

I generally tend to stick to saying 'it's okay.' Although if I don't like or enjoy something I make that very clear.

26.02.2019 by Will1234

I’ve only ever once experienced true pure sadness and that was triggered by someone else (my dad and nan). It was weird just feeling one emotion and understanding it.

It was my great nans funeral and she was one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet, but I was looking at the coffin as it was being lowered into the ground. I was feeling completely neutral and was fine but then I turned round and saw my Nan crying and my dad hugging her. I instantly felt like a spitfire that had just been shot down (WW2 is a special interest) and instinctively hugged my mum who was next to me after just realising who I had just lost. But I would never had felt that without the trigger, I went from +-0 to -10000

27.02.2019 by Jute

My dad died when I was twelve and when I told my school teacher that I'd need to be absent on the Friday to attend his funeral she didn't believe me. She phoned my home and spoke to my mother before realizing that I was actually telling the truth. She told my mother that she'd thought that I'd made it up, because I was 'very matter of fact about it and didn't appear to be upset.' I took the morning off college, in order to attend my brother's funeral, and then went in for the afternoon classes. I'm far more likely to feel strong emotions when listening to music, watching movies or reading books than I ever am about anything that happens in real life.

27.02.2019 by Will1234

Sorry about him too, you’ve had a tough life. Some people with alexithymia show and feel no emotion and some feel neutral until a point where it all comes out and it tears them apart. I’m the second one. My point in which I spill emotion is if someone close dies, if they aren’t close I’m ph7! I’m neutral as hell. I watched someone die at a wedding, he was the brides uncle and he had a heart attack. I was sat there watching having a drink while people are crying and one is trying to resuscitate the dead guy.
It was quite interesting actually because he originally coming back but then died again.

28.02.2019 by Jute

I've had a heart attack and fortunately someone phoned for an ambulance. I recovered consciousness in the intensive care until of a nearby hospital and within half an hour I had a second heart attack. I was in there for 11 days in total. I returned a month later to have an angioplasty and had three stents fitted inside arteries close to my heart. But that's life. As you get older the incidence of death increases. As a kid I didn't know anyone who had died but as you get older your older relatives begin to drop like flies.

28.02.2019 by Will1234

I’ve never had an actuall health problem but I have had my fair share of injuries, bruises and cuts.
Recently I got hit in the shin by a cricket ball and it indented my shin and broke the bone, it hen went a jelly like substance and felt really squishy, anything that touched it would kill.

When I was seven I slit my skin around my knee cap open with a flint stone and blood went everywhere, I could see my bone which was pretty cool but it left a massive scar like a boomerang with a H in the middle.

I also had to have my lip glued back together after I got hit in the face with a tennis racket which was a bit weird, I have a noticeable scar there too but it looks quite cool like a film character or something from the punisher.

01.03.2019 by Jute

I pretty much escaped unscathed for most of my life. Despite doing lots of very dangerous (and stupid) things, like falling off a three story roof, several bike and motorbike accidents and tipping a canoe over in the Irish Sea, when I can't swim and didn't have a life jacket on. But each time, other than almost shitting my pants, I somehow got away with it.

I did break my right wrist once, when I was riding a motorbike and a fuckin' idiot in a car pulled out of a side road, without looking, right in front of me. I was too close to be able to do anything about it and I smashed right into him. Other than that the only other time that I've been in hospital was when I had the heart attacks.

01.03.2019 by Will1234

Yeh I can swim so I should be fine unless I freeze and sink like a block of ice.

Once I was go carting and this wasn’t the kids one either, we going at like 60 mph and a corner came up and I slowed down to go round the corner but the guy behind me didn’t and hit me at 60. Now that may not sound to bad but in a go kart that weighs as much as a tin can, well I went flying. I done multiple flips and spins until I hit the gravel where I tumbled into the metallic end of the track. The helmet literally saved my life, I’m sure I would have broke my neck without it.

I also survived a bit of a tumble when I rugby tackled someone down a flight of concrete steps

03.03.2019 by Jute

Swimming can save your life, provided that you're in swimming distance of dry land or some object that you can climb aboard, that the water temperature does kill you through exposure or that there aren't a lot of sharks or barracuda around. I prefer to stay on dry land and then it doesn't matter that I can't swim.

Oh yeah, in motor sports a helmet is a real necessity. When I got took out by the car and broke my wrist I completed somersaulted, head over heals, over my handlebars and my helmet smashed his windscreen. The back of my helmet was seriously damaged, when I then hit the road. If I hadn't been wearing the helmet a broken wrist would have been the least of my worries, as I'd either have been dead or possibly paralysed, due to serious brain injury.

03.03.2019 by Will1234

I don’t know whether I’d like a motorbike I liked dirt biking that’s cool but on the road I woul die from racing people on the motorway. I would love to go rally racing some time I like motorsport but I’m more of a car person then again more people have died in F1 and F2 than motorbike racing.

03.03.2019 by Jute

The trouble with most motorsports is the cost. Most people can't afford it, you need sponsors. I always loved riding motorbikes and I avoided ever learning to drive a car for as long as I could, because I knew that once I had one I'd end up using it, whenever it was raining or icy or when I needed to pick stuff up from shops etc. I did get to enjoy driving but it doesn't even come close to riding a motorbike around empty twisty country roads on a summer's evening. Nowadays I make do with a mountain bike :)

03.03.2019 by Will1234

I want a pick up once I can drive and afford one, I might buy a dirt bike if I have some disposable income. I do get criticised for being to American and i don’t get why because in some way it’s still our culture because we America was a British colony.

03.03.2019 by Jute

You don't need to justify yourself or explain yourself to anyone. If you like American stuff that's entirely up to you, there's nothing wrong with it. I like Russian and Scandinavian movies and bands, even if I can't understand a word of their languages. Sometimes I simply like things, without knowing why, there doesn't need to be a reason. If it gives you pleasure and it doesn't hurt anyone else, what's the harm in it?

03.03.2019 by Will1234

Suppose you’re right, Fuck the haters hey!
It’s weird though I like American culture but I’m very patriotic. Though maybe I just like to argue and living life on the edge of war.

03.03.2019 by Jute

Yeah, when I was a teenager I'd frequently argue in favour of things that I didn't even believe in myself, just for the sake of disagreeing with other people and having an argument :)

03.03.2019 by Will1234

I suppose I argue so I can let the fire inside me out in a good or productive way.

04.03.2019 by Jute

I mostly argue because I know that I'm right and other people are wrong :)

04.03.2019 by Will1234

Well that as well I’m not a sheep I will fight for what is true whether I’m the only one right or it’s a war of factions.

05.03.2019 by Jute

With me I think it's an autistic thing. Because I view everything in terms of Black & White if I'm sure, in my own mind of something, then I must be right. So then it's virtually impossible for anyone to convince me of something different or make me admit that I might be wrong.

06.03.2019 by Will1234

I would put it down to both alexithymia and autism as it gives a way to express passion which can look like emotion and feel like emotion. But it also allows me to interact with people without feeling anxious and not knowing what to say, how to say it and when.

The black and white view relates to me to when im debating.

06.03.2019 by Jute

Black & white thinking relates to every aspect of my life.

06.03.2019 by Will1234

I’m not sure who or what I am, I can be very different people on different days, black and. White one day and confident.on the other clouded in my judgement and anxious as hell.

07.03.2019 by Jute

I'm very consistent. I'm always right and anyone who disagrees with me is wrong :)

07.03.2019 by Will1234

I can on some days be accepting of certain things but on others very dismissiveof others opinions. I have like a devil and angel on each shoulder.

08.03.2019 by Jute

I'm accepting of other people's opinions, provided that they agree with my own.

08.03.2019 by Will1234

Certain things I have difficulty with accepting. Like being gay, I’m not because it’s not biologicaly correct. I don’t understand why you would want to and I do think it’s wierd but I don’t hate gay people I just don’t understand it.

I laugh at flat earthers because they’re just not worth reasoning with.

09.03.2019 by Jute

"I don’t understand why you would want to be gay."

Most gay people don't want to be gay, especially when they're young and they first realise that they are. Most gay teens go to sleep at night, hoping that they're just going through a 'phase' and wishing that they could wake up straight the next day. Why would anyone choose to be gay, knowing that some other people are going to hate them for it and it's going to make their life very difficult? It might not be totally great to be gay now but imagine how bad it must have been in the past, when people were put into jail or being locked up in psychiatric hospitals for being gay. Being gay, like being blue eyed, being colour blind or autistic is not a choice, it's just how people are born. Did you choose to be straight? Did you sit there one day and weigh up the possibilities and think.... I've reached a decision and I'll be straight? Nope, you were just born straight, it's just how you are. Gay people are the same, it's just how they are.

Flat Earthers are different, because that is a choice, a fuckin' idiotic one.

09.03.2019 by Will1234

You’re not born gay, things around you influence you like how you speak or if your violent.
Things around you influence your choices and how you think.

I would be a different person if I wasn’t influenced by neurotypicals as I would not
Understand anything about society without being able to observe others.

10.03.2019 by Jute

Sorry but that's bollocks. People are born gay , just as people are born autistic, although even in the 1960s psychiatrists were wrongly blaming unaffectionate kid's parents for 'making them' autistic. There is a gene that predisposes people towards violence (search warrior gene) but environmental upbringing can encourage or discourage that trait to express itself. As for homosexuality environment has nothing to do with it, if it did there simply wouldn't be any gay kids. Most cultures on this planet have discriminated against it and disproved of it, so why would any kid be influenced to become gay, when they're surround by people telling them that it's wrong, sick and disgusting? No gay kids would even be born into 'god fearing' and bible thumping fundamentalist families, cos they'd all conform to their environmental influences and be straight bible thumping, women humpers themselves. The fact is that it doesn't work out like, across all cultures and countries the incidence of homosexuality is basically the same. Even in countries for which being homosexual carries the death penalty the same ratio of people are still gay. If the threat of being executed isn't an environment factor that would lead people to be straight I don't know what is, but it doesn't do it, there are still gay in those countries. Why?

Homosexuality is not restricted to humans eiethr, it's known to occur among most species of mammals and plenty of bird species too.

If you truly believe that 'things around you' influence you to be gay then explain to me know that works, when all the evidence seems to prove that it doesn't work that way at all.

The only way in which an environment will have any influence on sexuality is whether it approves or disapproves of it. In a family that disapproves of homosexuality it won't prevent gay kids from being born, it'll simply prevent them from being open about it and it'll punish them emotionally for something that they are not responsible for. Any gay children would probably mask it, just as many autistics do with autism, to pass as 'normal.' In a family that accepted their homosexuality gay kids are more likely to be open about it and less likely to self harm or attempt suicide.

10.03.2019 by Will1234

See In my opinion that bullshit, well most of it.

If you are born something it generally means it will never change unless it’s transgender.
If your born autistic you will stay autistic for the rest of your life.
If your gay you can change, you may go through a gay phase. You can be bisexual, you can’t be half autistic or both neurotypical and autistic.

It’s a choice, if your born something it’s not a choice.
I can’t just say I don’t want to be autistic but someone can say I am gay and then a few years later meet a girl and change.

Being gay isn’t a disorder or a brain disfunction. If you are looking at it like that it’s more like a non cummunicable disease like cancer. You can survive cancer or you can die. You change, your aspirations change and your cells change. You could survive cancer and not be gay but then get it again and become gay again.

11.03.2019 by Jute

Goodbye, I can't be arsed discussing this any further. You're blinked and thick as pig shit.

11.03.2019 by Will1234

What do you mean goodbye?

11.03.2019 by Will1234

Mate I’m not dum and ur not dum we have different opinions and they may be difficult to accept but that’s life. All the things we’ve discussed that we have similar viewpoints are the ones to focus on if you don’t want a debate. We can end the topic and start over if you want but I want to continue exchanging experiences as you are 1 in a billion, an autistic that’s like me who is actually active on a forum.

12.03.2019 by Will1234

Cmon man, don’t be that deep.
I need this man, it helps.


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Alexithymia - emotional blindness - is a personality trait characterized by the inability to identify and describe emotions in the self. Core characteristics of alexithymia are marked dysfunction in emotional awareness, social attachment, and interpersonal relationship.
Alexithymia is prevalent in approximately 10% of the general population and is known to be comorbid with a number of psychiatric conditions. Due the inability to cope with feelings and emotions as described in psychology there are counseling services to establish mental health.
Psychologist have argued that the alexithymia construct is strongly related to the concepts of psychological mindedness and emotional intelligence.
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