Topic: Is anybody out there?

English Alexithymia Forum > Personal Experience

Is anybody out there?
13.03.2019 by Will1234

Is anyone out there?

20.04.2019 by catdog55616

I am! I'm new here, and I don't know how to articulate my question about your question, so. I'm here, I suppose!

26.04.2019 by John_Smith

Me too. Just arrived and having a wander around. Scored 147 on test. Diagnosed Aspergers 9 years ago and reconfirmed recently along with several traits of Borderline Personality Disorder, fwiw.

27.04.2019 by Will1234

Finally people! I’m autistic with alexithymia too. We need to start a chat.

09.05.2019 by Alexithymic_User

I am here! I scored a 163 on the test, which is surprisingly high. I believed I wouldn't have Alexithymia, which I'm still unsure.

12.07.2019 by Tony_Sandy

Haven't done the test but think I am on the autistic spectrum (67, so too old to get an official diagnosis without paying for it and having the trait of not being able to hold down a job for long, only really been able to save money since I officially retired). I read a recent article on alexithymia and I thought yes that is me - perplexed by social conventions, hopeless in sexual relationships and wondering what the hell I am doing on this planet.

12.07.2019 by Tony_Sandy

Just done it 145

25.07.2019 by Will1234

I’ve not been on in a long time.
I’m an autistic with alexithymia too!

04.01.2020 by PowerWolf

Just did it, 170. I wonder what that means. I had to go back and make sure I wasn't "gaming" any questions.

10.02.2020 by User12327K97

I just found out about this today, and I'm not surprised. I got 151 on the test. Only recently did I also find out I have Aspergers, so this is all new to me. Cool to see other people here.

18.02.2020 by User34581G27

Just took the test today. Scored 116. It said it was high. Anybody else out there with depression or PTSD?

27.05.2021 by User34830M97

I'm here. My alexithymia score was 147. I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome (as it was called back in the day) in 1997. I only found this forum today, so I can't. blame you for being so uncertain.

29.05.2021 by User46528H57

I know I definitely used to have emotions, and i am most definitely able to read the emotions of others. I am always the one people seem to want to open up and talk to. I believe I learnt to numb myself because the feelings became too much and i couldnt live day to day and support myself financially.

I believe my mother had BPD and my father was an enabling covert narcissist, so i think due to trauma throughout my life, and repeating the abusive relationships as an adult I developed CPTSD and just shut down feelings. I can talk about my experiences with no problem, but there is no emotion attached to them anymore.. whereas I know there were times when they were too much to take. I scored 137 on the test, but i am not sure if this is solely trauma based ?

25.11.2021 by JeanH

I scored 127 on the test, & it said that was very high - I'd never even heard of alexithymia before, & I'm 65... been in therapy off & on for years for childhood sexual abuse... I can experience emotions, I just don't know why - like when I watch horses galloping, it makes me cry... lately I have been crying a lot when I hear certain music, like the theme song to Out of Africa (you probably won't know the movie if you're young...), or 99 Miles From L.A. by Simon & Garfunkle (another oldie - sorry, I'm 65!)... I think the crying is indirectly related to me not being able to adjust to the idea that I'm "old now"... there are things I will never be able to do again because my body just won't let me. In my mind, I'm still a teenager, but when I look in the mirror, I am wrinkled & fat & gray...
I have always had difficulty in relationships with my partners wanting me to talk about my feelings, & all I could say was "well, I love you..." That evidently wasn't what they wanted. Add to that the fact that I don't really know what love is... I mean, I have a child, & I love him, I know what that means - I'd take a bullet for him. But I've never felt that way about any of my partners, or my parents - well, they were abusive or absent or emotionally unavailable, etc etc... anyway, in all my relationships, I've been "in love" for a few months, then it gradually faded to a general feeling of affection, or just indifference... I want to love people, I just don't seem to be able to.
All of this is complicated by the fact that I spent my childhood & adolescence trying desperately to shut off my feelings, my body, my awareness of what was happening to me... alcohol helped, but when you're a kid, they won't let you just stay in a drunken stupor all the time... I got so good at shutting down that by the time I was in my twenties, I couldn't experience intimacy with anyone. I could go through the motions, but my body was like "Nope." So when I look at alexithymia, I don't know if I'm actually alexithymic, or if I'm still exhibiting the effects of childhood sexual abuse, or if I'm on the autism spectrum & never knew it, or if I'm just really screwed up...
I hope this kind of makes sense to someone... I just kind of let it flow, I hope that's alright. I look forward to learning more about this, & myself, & getting to know y'all in the process - I know I need to connect to other people, it's just really difficult for me to do that. Everything I feel seems so transient... Hope to see you again!

12.12.2021 by aletteinthemaze

I’m here. I’m not alexithymic - I am an intuitive Empath who is married to a man w Alexithymia (divorce is final in 2 days, 12-13-21, sadly)