Topic: Alexithymia and figuring out sexuality?

English Alexithymia Forum > Personal Experience

Alexithymia and figuring out sexuality?
20.04.2019 by catdog55616

I don't know for sure if I have alexithymia, but I do recognize aspects of it in myself. I frequently find that when asked things about myself, in this case, sexuality wise, I can't answer. Even when I ask myself these questions, I can't answer them in a concrete way without ending in "I don't know". What I thought was attraction appeared in a separate instance, in an entirely different way, to the point where I don't know if I even feel attraction. Could alexithymia be impairing my knowledge of myself in this way? Am I just aromantic/asexual? I'm so confused!

26.04.2019 by John_Smith

Sorry I can't offer an answer but just wanted to say, me too, I think.. I'm currently 20 years celibate (but that's probably more to do with the drugs I'm on, and lack of opportunity than anything else) but before that I was kinda promiscuous despite being a late starter. These days it just seems like it would be a lot of effort for very little return. TBH I can't handle the emotional aspects of sex at all and it would probably make more sense for me just to pay for it (although I never have) or find someone like minded to be a 'friend with benefits'. When I came off my drugs 6 months ago I couldn't handle the influx of sexual feelings and it was a relief to get back on them. I'm in a 30 year relationship (non sexual for the last 20) and I just want out. I made some huge mistakes because I didn't understand what I was feeling or what I wanted and, if I could have the last 30 years again, I'd stay single!

27.04.2019 by Will1234

I would comment on this but I don’t have problems regarding sexual interaction. I have problems with talking to people and my emotional responses to there statements. I often come across as grumpy or as I don’t care but I do sometimes, I just can’t show it.

12.07.2019 by Tony_Sandy

Sex and relationships are confusing. Straightforward sex is one thing but the emotional side...

02.11.2019 by Val_

I feel the exact same way, it's great to know I'm not alone with this problem. I don't exactly feel emotional attraction towards people, I always thought friends were just being dramatic before I figured out that it was a problem with me. I'm a very positive and upbeat individual on the outside, but internally I have no idea what emotions I feel, or if they're even there at all. It's as though I'm in a constant state of not happy while at the same time not being sad with nothing in-between. (I call it emotional static) Personally, when I'm "attracted" to someone it's very difficult to tell if I like them as a friend or not. It manifests in what I can only describe as intense interest in that person and their life, not some cliche feeling in my chest. It's a pretty annoying trait to have considering I don't exactly want to be alone my whole life, while at the same time being repulsed and confused by intimacy outside of my imagination. I've struggled with identifying my sexuality for many years because of this. After a lot of experimenting, I've come to the personal conclusion that sexuality in general is prone to fluctuate from time to time and that there's no need to worry about it. It's a tricky topic, and having Alexithymia along with it makes it all the more confusing, if you find someone that really peaks your interest I suggest testing the waters to see if you're comfortable with that sort of connection. Of course, let the other person know about your issue first so they won't be upset if you decide it's not working. The only real way to figure out if you're capable is to step out of your comfort zone a little bit. When I think I may be attracted to someone, I create a good ol' classic list. Make a list of friend traits you value, and then list the traits of the person you might like. If what you've listed matches more towards a friend than a romantic interest, you may just have had a random impulse. It's not the most full proof technique but it has worked for me in the past!


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Alexithymia - emotional blindness - is a personality trait characterized by the inability to identify and describe emotions in the self. Core characteristics of alexithymia are marked dysfunction in emotional awareness, social attachment, and interpersonal relationship.
Alexithymia is prevalent in approximately 10% of the general population and is known to be comorbid with a number of psychiatric conditions. Due the inability to cope with feelings and emotions as described in psychology there are counseling services to establish mental health.
Psychologist have argued that the alexithymia construct is strongly related to the concepts of psychological mindedness and emotional intelligence.
These pages should deliver additional information about Alexithymia and offer information for affected persons, relatives and people generally interested in this personality trait.

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