I don't know for sure if I have alexithymia, but I do recognize aspects of it in myself. I frequently find that when asked things about myself, in this case, sexuality wise, I can't answer. Even when I ask myself these questions, I can't answer them in a concrete way without ending in "I don't know". What I thought was attraction appeared in a separate instance, in an entirely different way, to the point where I don't know if I even feel attraction. Could alexithymia be impairing my knowledge of myself in this way? Am I just aromantic/asexual? I'm so confused!
Topic: Alexithymia and figuring out sexuality?
Sorry I can't offer an answer but just wanted to say, me too, I think.. I'm currently 20 years celibate (but that's probably more to do with the drugs I'm on, and lack of opportunity than anything else) but before that I was kinda promiscuous despite being a late starter. These days it just seems like it would be a lot of effort for very little return. TBH I can't handle the emotional aspects of sex at all and it would probably make more sense for me just to pay for it (although I never have) or find someone like minded to be a 'friend with benefits'. When I came off my drugs 6 months ago I couldn't handle the influx of sexual feelings and it was a relief to get back on them. I'm in a 30 year relationship (non sexual for the last 20) and I just want out. I made some huge mistakes because I didn't understand what I was feeling or what I wanted and, if I could have the last 30 years again, I'd stay single!
I would comment on this but I don’t have problems regarding sexual interaction. I have problems with talking to people and my emotional responses to there statements. I often come across as grumpy or as I don’t care but I do sometimes, I just can’t show it.
Sex and relationships are confusing. Straightforward sex is one thing but the emotional side...
I feel the exact same way, it's great to know I'm not alone with this problem. I don't exactly feel emotional attraction towards people, I always thought friends were just being dramatic before I figured out that it was a problem with me. I'm a very positive and upbeat individual on the outside, but internally I have no idea what emotions I feel, or if they're even there at all. It's as though I'm in a constant state of not happy while at the same time not being sad with nothing in-between. (I call it emotional static) Personally, when I'm "attracted" to someone it's very difficult to tell if I like them as a friend or not. It manifests in what I can only describe as intense interest in that person and their life, not some cliche feeling in my chest. It's a pretty annoying trait to have considering I don't exactly want to be alone my whole life, while at the same time being repulsed and confused by intimacy outside of my imagination. I've struggled with identifying my sexuality for many years because of this. After a lot of experimenting, I've come to the personal conclusion that sexuality in general is prone to fluctuate from time to time and that there's no need to worry about it. It's a tricky topic, and having Alexithymia along with it makes it all the more confusing, if you find someone that really peaks your interest I suggest testing the waters to see if you're comfortable with that sort of connection. Of course, let the other person know about your issue first so they won't be upset if you decide it's not working. The only real way to figure out if you're capable is to step out of your comfort zone a little bit. When I think I may be attracted to someone, I create a good ol' classic list. Make a list of friend traits you value, and then list the traits of the person you might like. If what you've listed matches more towards a friend than a romantic interest, you may just have had a random impulse. It's not the most full proof technique but it has worked for me in the past!