Topic: What's wrong with me?

English Alexithymia Forum > Personal Experience

What's wrong with me?
05.12.2019 by Robin_Brauers

Hi. I'm writing this because i'm worried. I've passed this test on 127 points. Since April 1, i've been going to rehab. I'm clean from cannabis now for 8 months and a bit. During my treatment, and aftefcare i've been talking to my psychiater a lot. I told him even before i went to rehab, some years i only felt emptiness if that makes sense. I could only physically tell if i was experincing fear. Most of the time i feel down, sad or empty. All i have to describe. I can, in almost 100% of the time, never explain how im feeling because i get no signs from my body. I dont recall the last time i laughed like a child. When people around me are laughing, i fake a smile and a laugh, a response i give in a situation emotions are expected. I know my dopamine levels are returning to normal and that this takes time, i just feel like there's something wrong with me. Don't know if i can bring the power and motivation to work on my recovery. Every day i experience emptiness, just bleh and down. Always tired and haven't felt positive emotions in so long. Whenever people are saying: im feeling so grateful, or ive never felt this before etc. I always wonder
What must it be like to feel these things?