Topic: Eight year relationship

English Alexithymia Forum > Personal Experience

Eight year relationship
17.12.2019 by Ellbelltellz

The person I've been with for over eight years, we were friends for about two years before that, has finally grown sick and tired of trying to understand me I guess and not getting much reaction as they wanted.
They are upset because I don't open up to them, they think I flirt with other people, and I communicate rarely with them. I stop myself a lot because I end up thinking, they don't want anything to do with me, they haven't contacted me, I'm just going to annoy them. Does it make it true if now they don't answer my texts? What used to be my best friend, then I got afraid they don't even see me as a friend, to whatever shite this has turned to now.
We were supposed to go to couple's counseling eventually but nobody set up an appointment and now my insurance is cut off. A lot of avoidance to the important things, a lot of not knowing what or how to say things

I guess I might be in the autism spectrum or adhd or something but until I get the chance to get diagnosed officially, I just feel like a fake, a poser. And they like to bring up that I never keep seeing a therapist because they don't tell me what I want to hear. And after hearing all of these accusations kinda feels like maybe it's all true. I've stopped going to those therapists because one thought the best way to use up an appointment was to watch YouTube videos on kids' emotions and interactions or go to the lobby and watch people and their emotions. Or another shmuck who would just sit there gladly waiting for the appointment to be over because my mind was going wild yet I never knew what to say to this human. And he wouldn't ask questions or anything, perhaps he's never heard of this alexithymia, as I've never heard either, until last night.
I don't know what to do

21.12.2019 by tilmongaddyjr

sorry about the insurance as that is very difficult. but have you tried to have your partner try to understand whats going on? like show them this forum or give them information about your underlying issues and maybe they will be willing to walk this road with you. if not, then we have to face the facts they are not meant for you. i dont disclose too early but i do let them know about some underlying issues and let them decided on what they are willing to accept and not. good luck

10.01.2020 by User25417C14

I completely agree, you should take the time to help her understand this condition. As the friend/gf of someone with Alexthymia, getting educated on the subject, getting real insight into your mind/how you experience your daily life and learning ways to cope and support each other, can give her so much relief. Unfortunately, after 8 years of it, she may decide, she's had enough. But I'd like to believe that if she's stayed for that long, she must really love you and would likely support you through this.


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Alexithymia - emotional blindness - is a personality trait characterized by the inability to identify and describe emotions in the self. Core characteristics of alexithymia are marked dysfunction in emotional awareness, social attachment, and interpersonal relationship.
Alexithymia is prevalent in approximately 10% of the general population and is known to be comorbid with a number of psychiatric conditions. Due the inability to cope with feelings and emotions as described in psychology there are counseling services to establish mental health.
Psychologist have argued that the alexithymia construct is strongly related to the concepts of psychological mindedness and emotional intelligence.
These pages should deliver additional information about Alexithymia and offer information for affected persons, relatives and people generally interested in this personality trait.

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