Topic: Other people's feelings

English Alexithymia Forum > Questions and Answers

Other people's feelings
19.06.2020 by asterix

Hi. I'm pretty new here, I just learned about alexithymia and I'm trying to analyze it properly to see whether it's something that fits me. My question is: do you (plural) have difficulty realizing what people feel? I don't. I'm the "mom" friend; I'm good with words and I've always been observant, which makes me give good advice. However, I feel like it's more because of social training. For example, recently my friend's best friend started dating her ex-boyfriend who has hurt her in the past, and didn't tell her about it. Logically, I know she can feel upset/hurt/betrayed and like her friend has failed her. I talked her through it and helped her deal with the situation. Personally though, I feel nothing when I think about that. Like, no "oh, I'd feel bad too". It's more like, I know from social experiences she could feel bad about it and I know that the logical advice should be "talk to her", because talking about your feelings is expected. I used to think I'm an empathetic person, but the more I learn about detachment and alexithymia, the more I realize it's not me feeling what the person is feeling, it's more of a logical explanation put into words.
How is it for you?

22.06.2020 by User25660N61

Wow. I feel like you described it right on for me.

26.06.2020 by User70762L74

I totally relate, it's normal for me to help people around me with there problems, I hear and advice them. My therapist always told me that I was empathetic bc I choose to fix other people's problems rather than my own, but I never sense it as being empathetic. Now that I read this I have more clarity over what I normally do.

16.08.2020 by JulieDegraw

yes. I can relate to this. You described perfectly what i haven't been able to understand about myself.


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Alexithymia - emotional blindness - is a personality trait characterized by the inability to identify and describe emotions in the self. Core characteristics of alexithymia are marked dysfunction in emotional awareness, social attachment, and interpersonal relationship.
Alexithymia is prevalent in approximately 10% of the general population and is known to be comorbid with a number of psychiatric conditions. Due the inability to cope with feelings and emotions as described in psychology there are counseling services to establish mental health.
Psychologist have argued that the alexithymia construct is strongly related to the concepts of psychological mindedness and emotional intelligence.
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