Topic: Do you love your own children

English Alexithymia Forum > Questions and Answers

Do you love your own children
24.08.2020 by JulieDegraw

i don't have kids and I've always from a very early age know that i wouldn't want to. Ppl around me always told me that i would for sure change my mind as i grew up. They were of course wrong.

My question is. Do you love your own children ?

26.08.2020 by User67701E37

lt may be difficult to believe but l love them. l love them very deeply. there is sometimes an ambivalance about being dependent to them and love freely them. When l had my children, l didn't know what Alexi was. But, l realised that Being a mother was the hardest thing under these circumtances. Now, they have been learning how important is to express their feelings. l am grateful to God because of this gift. Otherwise, l wouldn't have known the real love. Thank you for this beautiful question. lt reminded me what love was. God bless you.

30.08.2020 by JulieDegraw

Thank you for your answer :)

08.09.2020 by Alexej

To me this raises the question of what is love and how is it expressed.

I may love my children but be dreadful at expressing it. They may not feel that I love them at all, but that is surely the difference between having an attitude of love and expressing it. They would turn round and say that love unexpressed is not love - which seems perfectly understandable to me.

As a person with alexi I think they have missed out because of my alexi

16.10.2020 by elained

I wanted a child (married two years) because it was the thing to do, and I was curious and probably driven by biological impulses? I knew nothing about babies, had zero experience.

I was dazed and amazed at how strongly I bonded to my children, and how fascinating I found them. I loved them, in my fashion. I was a cuddly mother! And I am not a cuddly person in general. But my children broke my barriers.

I observed their emotions and tried to be the best possible mother. But my strength was in teaching them about the world and teaching them to think logically. When they were teenagers I found it easy to 'let them go' and accept that they were separate from me. Amazingly I wasn't controlling at all.

Now one child has lived in Europe for 35 years. I have never 'missed him' in the way other people seem to do. I know where he is, I know he is safe, well, and 'happy', and recently we began to meet weekly on Zoom and our younger son joins us, as well.

In Myers-Briggs I am a Thinking person, but all three of the men in my family are Feeling people. I know they think I'm cold and insensitive to some extent. But there isn't anything I can do about that.

Even when I 'understand' other people's emotions, that still isn't the same as "feeling' other people's emotions.

I honestly do not understand people who are highly emotional. It seems senseless to me, and even destructive some how. I also don't understand how anyone makes decisions based on emotion. Sigh.

19.10.2020 by Alexej

Thank you @Elained for your reply.

I can relate to the aspect of letting go and being at peace knowing they are well. Also being at peace with that and not needing that frequent contact jives with me.


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Alexithymia - emotional blindness - is a personality trait characterized by the inability to identify and describe emotions in the self. Core characteristics of alexithymia are marked dysfunction in emotional awareness, social attachment, and interpersonal relationship.
Alexithymia is prevalent in approximately 10% of the general population and is known to be comorbid with a number of psychiatric conditions. Due the inability to cope with feelings and emotions as described in psychology there are counseling services to establish mental health.
Psychologist have argued that the alexithymia construct is strongly related to the concepts of psychological mindedness and emotional intelligence.
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