Topic: trapped inside my head

English Alexithymia Forum > Personal Experience

trapped inside my head
13.09.2020 by User30352C20

Hello! I thought I was relieved when i discovered what this condition is, and how similar it was to my experience. But now i feel even more confused.
I don't identify to every of the symptoms. I tend to intellectualise every situation, to guess what i should be feeling, so i totally get the mask. However it doesn't feel like a void inside of me, more of a blurred, chaotic spiral of things, feelings. I am just completely enable to put names on those, to identify them, to understand their origines.
I do panic attacks too. Those one come at times where i feel overwhelmed by feelings i don't understand, and by the frustration from not being able to KNOW what they are, a thing people seem to be doing so easily... It feels like being trapped inside a never-ending tornado.
I WANT to understand myself, but i don't fuck*** have a clue how to do that.

Can some of you relate ?

24.09.2020 by User70762L74

Hi! I have nothing to help you, but I can say that I totally relate with the sensations you've described.
I've always wanted to understand my emotions, and it makes me feel a pressure on my chest when I realize that it is so easy for everyone but me.

11.10.2020 by User91436G90

I relate to the confused blurred chaotic spiral inside. The thing that has helped me most is listening to other people in specific situations, and analysing it. For example, I know what to say when someone tells me that someone close to them has died. I know not to respond in a way that makes sense to me - I would want to know the details of what happened, and would leap to problem solving what to do next - whereas most NT people need to take time out between the happening and the next steps needed, to process their emotions. And I know that people do not want my logical analysis ("She was old, it was her time to die," "You'll have more time now that you don't have to run around after them any more," "You didn't like them anyway so that's a problem removed," and so on.) I can't say those things even when it was my mother who died, and all those things were true. I had to find things to say that didn't upset people by being too far from the norm. Mostly, I just said, "Thank you" for their kindness and well-meant thoughts.

The other tactic that I use a lot, and people seem to like, is to ask questions - ask the person how they feel. You can then do the thing of repeating what they said in slightly different words, and that seems to validate their feelings to them. I never talk about about how I feel, in those situations. Only when I am with someone close who knows me and can take it.

17.09.2021 by User87c4cC87

Hi, I know what you mean. I can tell when the emotion is a positive or a negative one and I usually intellectualize the rest. When I was younger my mum taught me all these things because I would cry in the evenings and when she'd ask me why I'm crying I'd say I didn't know.
I usually break down my experiences leading up to the emotion and try to understand what I'm feeling and why, and what might have possibly upset me. It helps to write these things down.
Sometimes it takes me months to understand certain feelings and sometimes I come to new conclusions about old feelings. At the very least it keeps my mind occupied and gives me a sense of control over myself. Another thing I do is memorize where I felt a positive feeling and focus my attention on that particular part of my body to recreate that feeling, if that makes sense?

I hope this helps