Topic: Why does my behavior manifest towards my partner but not others

English Alexithymia Forum > Questions and Answers

Why does my behavior manifest towards my partner but not others
10.11.2020 by User18553M92

I am aware that my bad behaviour is directed towards my partner only. I say the wrong things and then realise the hurtful connotations of what I said but not before I have said it. I have acted in a callous way and then argued that my partner has been too emotional and over sensitive. Only now am I starting to recognise that She is right, having learned about Alexi, and both of us recognising it as ME to a tee. (Score 159 aged 59) ,and after years of causing her stress and hurt. I haven't been this way to others. Clearly this makes it even more hurtful to my partner and I am not able to understand this or start to explain it. I hope I can find some answers as well as start to make amends.
Can anyone help me understand why I am not this way with "others" Thank you

16.11.2020 by User21255O82

Perhaps you are expecting an automatic understanding and even agreement by your partner on most subjects you care about, whereas your interaction with others might be confined to subjects on which you already share an opinion or don't care about much.

Perhaps the actual difference (partner vs others) does not matter; the mere fact that you raised the question and are open to answers is a great step.

My only advice: don't postpone starting to work towards a solution until every intricacy is understood.

I hope the two of you work it out.

17.11.2020 by User21255O82

PS: I forgot to mention that personality traits can't simply be switched on/off depending on the situation or on whom you're interacting with. So keep an open mind as to whether or not emotional blindness is really the core of the issue.


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Alexithymia - emotional blindness - is a personality trait characterized by the inability to identify and describe emotions in the self. Core characteristics of alexithymia are marked dysfunction in emotional awareness, social attachment, and interpersonal relationship.
Alexithymia is prevalent in approximately 10% of the general population and is known to be comorbid with a number of psychiatric conditions. Due the inability to cope with feelings and emotions as described in psychology there are counseling services to establish mental health.
Psychologist have argued that the alexithymia construct is strongly related to the concepts of psychological mindedness and emotional intelligence.
These pages should deliver additional information about Alexithymia and offer information for affected persons, relatives and people generally interested in this personality trait.

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