Topic: Working out "real" relationships

English Alexithymia Forum > General Information

Working out "real" relationships
16.11.2020 by User61433B90

I just found out about this trait when once again I was wondering and searching why everybody else is so emotional and I am not.

I realized that I have skipped so many possible partners that showed interest in me because I that I did not feel anything for them. I was waiting that someone I would meet would make me feel something. Since it seems I have this trait, I guess there never will be.

How should you decide your partner? Just start with whomever you wish and move on to better candidates as they are found?

"Better" meaning people who are among other things, more prone to do things as I wish and who can put up with me? I really have hard time believing anyone would stick around for a really long time, even if I wanted them to, unless tricks are played.

What is your key to making a successful relationship? Do you tell about this trait or just play feelings, or tell what I have said when asked about my emotions, something along the lines of "Well not everybody is as emotional as you are" I know it is a verbal attack to the person making the question but I do not use it as badly as it sounds..

What is a relationship without feeling? I just categorize my relationships as a trade. If I get something out of it, I keep it on. If not, it is gone. And I really do not have any in-personal relationships with other people at all. I do help others when it is needed but I do not involve myself with them.

But I do not think you can keep a relationship with someone who is emotionally invested in you and keep it a trade, there must be some higher grade principle there. But if I do not feel like I should continue it and yet do, it becomes a duty and maybe even more morally bankrupt?

Although, after all, is not that the way of normal relationships also, but people just keep on going longer because of emotional investments?

I am not a sociopath, I like to think I place some values higher than myself, but there is some line to be drawn between my life priorities and the other person.

04.08.2021 _T('by') User69084J69

I asked my therapist this same question. I’ve been in a relationship a little over a year now and have been “on the fence” the whole time waiting to feel a strong feeling for him or “love. “ I’ve come to decide that maybe I will never feel that for him because I’m not physically capable. My therapist suggested looking at the relationship objectively for example do our life goals add up? Do 9/10 times I find the relationship productive? I think those helped me. You definitely have to find someone who is okay with you not showing emotions all the time and just accept that a relationship for you may not be like in the movies where you feel an overwhelming love for the person. That has been the hardest part for me. I want to feel those deep feelings but I just can’t seem to.

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