Topic: How do I prove I truly love my partner?

English Alexithymia Forum > Questions and Answers

How do I prove I truly love my partner?
20.11.2020 by User38405O75

Hello! I'm 20 years old and scored 167 on the questionnaire. High risk for Alexithymia in all subcategories. I always felt like something was wrong with me because I never understand or feel as if I have thoughts or feelings. The main emotion I feel is frustration. I'm frustrated that I can't feel emotions. Frustrated that I can share my thoughts. Frustrated that I can't tell my Fiancé how I feel about her. Frustrated that I can't hold a conversation with someone. I barely have any friends because of my inability to connect with people on an emotional level. The easiest way for me to communicate with people is through texting/messaging. This way I am able to read through what they're sharing with me at my own pace. I have a hard time remembering what was said while also trying to understand my own thoughts and feelings about the situation. And it's hard for me to open up to people because I don't know how to. Group gatherings are almost easier for me than one on one because there are other people there to help carry the conversation.
How do I overcome this? What can I do to help myself feel and truly understand the emotions I am feeling? How do I prove to my fiancé that I truly love her when I can't tell her why? Please tell me I'm not as alone as I feel I am! Someone help me...please

21.11.2020 by User61433B90

I am not sure.

But you will probably get better once you throw yourself into to those situations more often.

I know I rather pass them. I usually keep active for 10-30 minutes and then usually detach, unless topic is fitting.

In the end love is actions, not words.

23.11.2020 by Alexej

Frustrated that I can't tell my Fiancé how I feel about her.
Are you able to identify what you feel about her? If so tell her what you can identify as best as you can.
You might try writing a poem - since that is something you can write offline and then bring to her

Frustrated that I can't hold a conversation with someone.
Why is it hard to hold a conversation. IMO so much of conversation is polite chit chat and is often quite superficial - is this hard for you?

How do I prove to my fiancé that I truly love her when I can't tell her why? Try telling us here about what you like about her - which might make it easier to tell her face to face.

I don't know if this helps or is offbeam and pisses you off (if so - sorry)

24.11.2020 by Alexej

I came across a card in my drawer today, which reads

I've spoken to you
so many times in my heart
But never in my words.
I've wanted to,
but I couldn't .
I was afraid
and I still am
but I'm trying
to tell you how
I really feel.
I love you

As I read the card I thought of you and your dilemma

09.12.2020 by Milkbad

As someone who is "diagnosed", I find that some of what you have mentioned here is a little out of character for Alexi.

You seem to feel a lot about yourself according to your post, which is not something I have experienced myself, I often don't make connections with issues of emotion in my case. Most issues for me are very straight forward or "black & white", unlike some of the things you mention in your post.

Personally, I can only recommend that you find a specialist in Alexi or the Autism Spectrum. They would be able to more properly diagnose you.


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Alexithymia - emotional blindness - is a personality trait characterized by the inability to identify and describe emotions in the self. Core characteristics of alexithymia are marked dysfunction in emotional awareness, social attachment, and interpersonal relationship.
Alexithymia is prevalent in approximately 10% of the general population and is known to be comorbid with a number of psychiatric conditions. Due the inability to cope with feelings and emotions as described in psychology there are counseling services to establish mental health.
Psychologist have argued that the alexithymia construct is strongly related to the concepts of psychological mindedness and emotional intelligence.
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