Topic: Dealing with Alexithymia in relationships?

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Dealing with Alexithymia in relationships?
24.01.2021 by KintsugiRain

Hi, I feel I may have Alexithymia as i cant tell emotions besides extremely basic ones (but even those are hard sometimes) with myself and others.
I have a boyfriend, and he is really understanding of me, but i cant help but wonder if this will get in the way of him being happy around me, can someone help?

27.01.2021 by Milkbad

Alexi can present in several different ways with quirks from each individual being different. For example, I have delayed emotions when it comes to situations, where im feeling something, but the realization doesnt come until much later, sometimes weeks or months even. As a bi-product, I often have a lot of muscle tension in my jaw and back.

When dealing with male emotions from a female perspective, it may be more difficult as men typically dont externalize their issues or feelings much at all. It is not uncommon for women to have difficulty with recognizing this either. My previous girlfriend thought I was relatively cold and unemotional, and i never felt i had to externalize my issues to her as I didnt see them as a burden i needed to get off my chest. I did however have a horrendous time figuring her out and understanding her needs with out relationship as she was an outwardly emotional speaker with body language and non-verbal communication.

I would have a good sit down with your BF and really talk through it. Perhaps finding a different love language is is also a necessity for your relationship. As I was never good at telling me needs, I preferred to express them through touch. I often would give three pats on my EXGF's butt to let her know I loved her and was thinking about her. In our case for her my type of affection wasn't enough and became a burden on our relations, but it was the best I could muster with Alexi (I didnt know I had it at the time).

Typically men will be motivated to fulfill their basic needs in a relationship, but if you dont see emotion tied to that, understand it is common.

Really think to yourself about what might be occurring and attempt to solve the issue as logically as possible.

03.07.2021 by User90204D12

I am currently in my second marriage. One of the main issues with my first marriage was that is my ex wife would say that i would not understand her at all, at emotional level. She wanted me to understand her, like how she felt and support her. I would try to do a number of things to fix it, but it all looked like mundane to her and she would feel i am selfish. I would do things but just would not be able to connect emotionally. To date i find it difficult to identify my own emotions and of others, what i feel in different situations and describe it. My current wife is going through a lot of heavy work pressure and now i am seeing a similar pattern repeat. She wants help around the house. I do my part but it seems to her that i am doing all mundane physical stuff. She does not feel that i am sharing the house work though from my point of view i do quite a bit. I would cut and clean while she cooks, i will set the table while she serves and clean up after. I realized the problem is more emotional than physical, to be able to understand what she is feeling and going through and developing that connect that feels like we are sharing things equally. And my search to understand this problem led me here, i just wanted to share this and see if you guys have been able to find any help to deal with this.


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Alexithymia - emotional blindness - is a personality trait characterized by the inability to identify and describe emotions in the self. Core characteristics of alexithymia are marked dysfunction in emotional awareness, social attachment, and interpersonal relationship.
Alexithymia is prevalent in approximately 10% of the general population and is known to be comorbid with a number of psychiatric conditions. Due the inability to cope with feelings and emotions as described in psychology there are counseling services to establish mental health.
Psychologist have argued that the alexithymia construct is strongly related to the concepts of psychological mindedness and emotional intelligence.
These pages should deliver additional information about Alexithymia and offer information for affected persons, relatives and people generally interested in this personality trait.

This webpage does not intended to diagnose or cure any disease or symptom.
No part of this website should be construed as a promise of healing.