Topic: No Answers

English Alexithymia Forum > Personal Experience

No Answers
10.07.2022 by Gronk

I have a partner and I didn't understand for 15 years, who I accepted and now I'm am wondering if perhaps they are in the alexithymia zone. I'm not sure.

I knew the person was different but because I can verbalise my emotions doesn't mean everyone finds it easy and I accept that. I noticed they didn't respond to romantic gestures, or any kind of small loving gestures in a way previous partners did and didn't seem very interested. She was clumsy with affection which I didn't really mind. At first when she was what I thought was "in love with me" we kind of muddled our way through it.

If I was not having any response to any emotional gestures over say a week or so would not try and obviously there was a big change in me and then she would then respond to me and ask what was wrong. That isn't a healthy way to have a relationship so after a while I guess I stopped trying. I changed myself quite a bit over the years to accommodate her.

She would say she loved me but if I asked a question about that she would respond in a very basic way and only that response for the whole 15 years. If I questioned her a little she would get emotional and say that she was unable to tell me, it was all muddled in her head. Having her upset was not what I wanted to I did my best to avoid it.

But if you can't ask someone to express their emotions then you can't respond to their needs, so I think it is obvious how this goes.

I tried to be supportive and that seemed to be all she wanted and it became exhausting because I just didn't get that kind of support back or any emotional support. She seemed to lack any empathy toward me although she would help in other ways. Many things just seemed like an obligation to her.

If she wasn't happy with something she would hit me with it straight out of the blue and I wasn't prepared for it. There was "nothing" then no lead into a conversation there were just statements or judgments about something she was not pleased with.

When she was really angry I could see it in her eyes but when I asked, she would say she wasn't angry.

We hardly argued because we never got to that point where we could communicate.

I was frustrated quite a bit and became withdrawn and this didn't help.

I don't know if when the honey moon period was over if she ever loved me.

It's not easy to tell and if you ask someone and they say yes then I guess you trust in that. Although their actions might appear to say no.

Now what I accepted for years I am questioning more.

It's hard work when you don't get anything that looks like emotions back.

I also notice she might take a few emotive words I have used and use those words either back to me or to express something to someone else.


Do people with Alexithymia mirror other people's emotions and then use them to express something?

Do people with Alexithymia have a confusion about what they are feeling and can be influenced by someone else to come to some understanding of what that feeling might be?

15.07.2022 by User84233M77

yes and yes. i say words and stuff like that to my friends because it seems like they're more interactive and they understand what i'm trying to say. and to the second question, 99% of the time i dont really know what i'm feeling so being around other people who live similarly to me and react to what i say helps me get a better understanding of how to act and what to "feel". i tend to be very blunt and give short-word responses to questions.

but see i'm in a relationship and what you described your partner doing sounds a lot like what i do, so now that i know how my partner probably feels, im going to make an effort to change. id find a cozy night to just mention this to your significant other. dont use words like how it makes you feel, you need to tell them about the logistics side of it.

hope this helps a little, and i hope your relationship goes ok.