Topic: Lack of Emotion

English Alexithymia Forum > Personal Experience

Lack of Emotion
29.09.2022 by User92c78A67

I have always felt distant from my family like I don't belong there. About a week ago, my older brother invited me out to dinner to talk and "close some of the distance between us." I went with him, and we talked for hours about my recent breakup. While having dinner, he asked me if I felt sad; honestly, I don't. I should be sad, but I feel more confused than anything. I explained that to him, and he asked me to describe what genuine sadness felt like; I sat in silence for a minute, trying to find the words, but I couldn't. He then said, "let's make this easier. Describe to me a time at any point in your life where you felt genuinely happy." Again, I sat silently for a minute, trying to figure out a time, but I couldn't.

I took about a week to reflect on everything before I felt like I had processed the conversation, and today, the question still sits with me "what does genuine happiness feel like?" I genuinely don't know; honestly, I feel "broken" because of it. Worst of all, I want to be a clinical therapist after I graduate from college in 2 years. How am I supposed to help someone deal with their emotions if I am not even sure what those emotions feel like?

29.09.2022 by Alexej

Hi User92c78A67
Welcome to this forum.

I understand something of what you are describing here.
I took a course in counselling but was not put forward for graduation by the leaders, which was a good decision on their part. I would not have done well in the counselling role. However, you may be better abled that I was.

The feeling of being broken is a very valid one,and I get that one too. Regarding being a clinical therapist is a tall order if your don't feel the way other folks feel. Can you talk to folk on the course about this, or even consult the organisation that validates your qualification? In the UK that might be the BACP British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists