Topic: Not sure exactly what to title this post

English Alexithymia Forum > Personal Experience

Not sure exactly what to title this post
10.05.2014 by ChadP

I'm an 18 year old Male. My score on the questionnaire was 126, but probably only because I enjoy sex, otherwise it'd be a lot higher. I've onlyrecently (in the past year.) noticed an excess of emotionlessness, but I've always had the "don't give a fuck bout nothin'" attitude.

I've known for a long time that I've had trouble with emotions, but I didn't ever think it would get to the point that I could literally break someones heart, and (seemingly?) not care in the slightest..

From looking around the forum, these types of stories are not uncommon. I know I emotionally neglect my partners. I know I don't, and haven't really ever, cared about much of anything.

I googled something I can't recall exactly, but it brought me to this: http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Emotionless. (Steps to take to BECOME emotionless. And I realized that I have the mindset of a lot of these things.. From what I read, these steps are eventually meant to lead you to controlling your emotions in situations that they may get in the way. I only noticed that, I live my life by a lot of these steps that lead to emotionlessness, but not the ones that lead to controlling emotion.

-Accept that life just is.
-Think community, not self
-Let go of what you can't change.
-Don't anticipate the future.
-Think logically.
-Banish self-sabotaging thoughts.

I guess in short, I don't care, because I don't know how to genuinely express the emotion of caring.

I'm not really sure what the main point of this post was, I'm just confused and wanted to share some of the realizations that finding out about alexthymia has givin me.

Questions or advice, or anything, is appreciated.

Some good things are not for us...
01.09.2014 _T('by') Toxophile

ChadP:
I started practicing yoga about seven years ago, and the things you listed for becoming emotionless are the same things that are taught during class to find a state of "equanimity". Previously, I would experience things that would cause me to react in strong ways (since I didn't really know what to do with what I felt), which were not usually socially acceptable. After practicing equanimity during my yoga practice, I would not react so strongly. This was a good thing and brought peace of mind. However, when I met and married my wife, I maintained the equanimity in all things. So now, in addition to not understanding what I feel, I don't show any reaction to things that come up. So, she left me.

For most people, practicing equanimity can help them weather the storm and school their reactions when things are troubling since they can still talk about the emotions they just tempered. However, we need to be extra careful to still let something out so we don't alienate those around us. Maybe. This is all very new to me, so I may change my opinion on that later.

Any thoughts from anyone else?

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