Topic: Anyone else relate?

English Alexithymia Forum > Personal Experience

Anyone else relate?
15.06.2015 by Bobby421

After discovering this recently, everything seems to make sense. If I rated my emotional feeling between 1-5 at any given moment I seem to float between 1-2. If any stimulus rises above this its like my brain tries to avoid this by several different ways.
1. Anxiety. If I concentrate on a feeling and try to raise the feeling, I notice my heart races and if I continue to raise it I begin to shake and get fearful.
2. Dissociate. I can discuss things on some level but have to remain in the anxiety state. I begin to disconnect from the emotion but can only get words out that seem cold and slow. I now notice their is no emotional inflection in my speech at this point.
3. Distraction. I now realize that my brain constantly will change my focus quite frequently. If I am thinking about anything emotional and begin to go above a 2 out of 5 then my brain says. "look at the squirell." Then just a few seconds like 2 pass and the level decresed then my thoughts return to my original emotion raising thought. It is like it tries to keep the levels down to avoid the anxiety. Happens while listening to others ALOT and while watching TV.
4. Kill Switch. Like learned helplessness. If things get too emotional and other options to decrease the emotion havent worked or the situation is too stressful, all emotion seems to shut down and in comes the numbness.

I didn't realize how this is a constant process my brain is undergoing in order to keep the levels of emotion fairly neutral. Like some others I know I feel strong emotions at times but am very fearful until it goes away.Usually I will shut down at some point. Example. I really dont like rollercoasters or heights. Yes I can go on them. I hit the kill switch first. The photos they take on the rides show me with the same expression as anyone would have waiting in a doctors office. I say wooo or whatever everyone else screams on coasters but it is only because I think thats what you are supposed to do. It sounds so fake though.

I love my wife very deeply. I know this and feel this. I cannot describe it though. Nothing really past I love you. I feel sorry and regret but cannot go past Im sorry but the words are shut down when I try to say why. While arguing or any emotional conversation I become very nervous and the words cannot form to express myself. I cannot reach for her or hold her when she is upset. My body will not move. I want to very badly but I can't. I think this is because her pain begins to increase my emotions too and all forms of expression both physical and emotional are completely shut down. The speech thing is very frustrating. It reminds me of watching stroke patients attempting to find the correct words and you just stumble if you try to actually speak. I cannot get anything to come out. The speech centers become blocked or shut down because believe me it is like my entire vocabulary is just not there. Nothing. So people think I just do not care.

I find everytime something emotional pops up it relates it to song lyrics constantly. I can relate that I feel the same way but cannot express if I wasnt quoting songs. Really weird. Or a metaphorical image will form. I havent tried to use the lyrics or images to communicate feelings to others. I am not sure if it is possible or will the words shut down. It would be nice to have a way to express feelings though. I see how it has ruined too many relationships and it isn't fair to the other people.

Thanks for listening

roller coaster
04.08.2015 _T('by') DXS

I didn't realize how this is a constant process my brain is undergoing in order to keep the levels of emotion fairly neutral. Like some others I know I feel strong emotions at times but am very fearful until it goes away.Usually I will shut down at some point. Example. I really dont like rollercoasters or heights. Yes I can go on them. I hit the kill switch first. The photos they take on the rides show me with the same expression as anyone would have waiting in a doctors office. I say wooo or whatever everyone else screams on coasters but it is only because I think thats what you are supposed to do. It sounds so fake though.

I don't like the roller coaster, either. I call it the ladder. I like staying even. I don't like an emotional "high" because it usually is followed by a SPLAT where you fall off the ladder. I get very suspicious over "emotional highs" because something bad will happen then I go SPLAT.

Beware of foreign objects
19.08.2015 _T('by') 4rch0n4n6313

I love fantasy fction. Magic, dragons,, wizards and all that...it wasn't until I learned about alexathymia that I knew all those weird sensations were emotions. I thought it was a ghost, or a magical force, or food poisoning! No idea that it was emotion. Now that I know I'm beginning to feel more, and my skin feels tingly and cold, and I have to talk myself out of anxiety. I'm really pushing myself emotionally right now. After its all said and done I think I'll take a nap. I just don't very much like my brain telling me what to do. I want to tell my brain. So if my brain is trying to decide on anxiety...well I don't like that emotional sensation...what's the opposite of anxiety? Relaxation.As I realize I'm tense I relax. Cause I tell my brain what to do....not the other way around....and I have to keep focusing on relaxing. My skin is still cold and tingly. No idea why. I don't like that m body is feeling stuff....m greatful it doesn't connect...the physical portions are really intense....I would hate for the emotional aspect to connect. I'm going to take a nap now....I'm exghausted

Same
10.09.2015 _T('by') Yumi

I'm super emotionless when I'm on the rollercoaster like, when they have sneak photos, I look completely emotionless. But I feel emotions, I just don't know what to make of it. It's similar when I watch horror movies and even when I try to scream along with other people, it sounds fake

Emotions to Songs..
13.12.2015 _T('by') ToniRose92

I know this post is a few months old but I just joined and stumbled across this.. so first in the first part:

After discovering this recently, everything seems to make sense. If I rated my emotional feeling between 1-5 at any given moment I seem to float between 1-2. If any stimulus rises above this its like my brain tries to avoid this by several different ways.
1. Anxiety. If I concentrate on a feeling and try to raise the feeling, I notice my heart races and if I continue to raise it I begin to shake and get fearful.
2. Dissociate. I can discuss things on some level but have to remain in the anxiety state. I begin to disconnect from the emotion but can only get words out that seem cold and slow. I now notice their is no emotional inflection in my speech at this point.
3. Distraction. I now realize that my brain constantly will change my focus quite frequently. If I am thinking about anything emotional and begin to go above a 2 out of 5 then my brain says. "look at the squirell." Then just a few seconds like 2 pass and the level decresed then my thoughts return to my original emotion raising thought. It is like it tries to keep the levels down to avoid the anxiety. Happens while listening to others ALOT and while watching TV.
4. Kill Switch. Like learned helplessness. If things get too emotional and other options to decrease the emotion havent worked or the situation is too stressful, all emotion seems to shut down and in comes the numbness.


I completely agree and never realized how much I do this ... having the strong emotions and interactions seems like way too much to me and makes me anxious and in the end I shut down ... my 2 closest friends are the ones that originally pointed it out to me and now they just accept how I respond and know that it isnt because I don't care.

But the songs... almost every "emotion" or huge event where I "should've" felt a strong emotion is associated with a song and when I talk about the event or emotion the song comes into my head... almost makes it a bit easier to talk about for a second... but then it still feels incomplete... thank goodness the only people that ask me how I feel have for the most part accepted how i act emotionally.

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