Topic: The feeling of nothing...

English Alexithymia Forum > Personal Experience

The feeling of nothing...
08.07.2015 by Dewab

First of all, I am so happy that I found this.. I have known for many years that I couldn't feel any emotions. First I thought it was some sort of identity problem because I was able to act exactly the way I wanted to but when I tried to see how I really felt, I actually didn't get confusion like a lot of people seem to have, I get nothing. Like walking into a completely empty white room. Eventually I figured out that it was my emotions that I seemed to be missing, because when our family dog died at a young age, and I found myself not feeling at all sad. My brain was thinking, "well, it happens in life, time to move on" but everyone around me was crying so I felt obliged to "cry" and pretend to feel sad. That was when I really realized something was wrong. because I have had this at such a young age, I had just assumed it was normal for people to have to "force" or fake their emotions. But it is nice to finally put a name to it.

But my real question is, do people ever get large moments where the feel nothing? Like no emotions. See, I don't get confusion, when I'm not happy, I feel nothing. like a blank page. But what is really interesting is that it's almost calm a like meditating in a way. XD However I have been told that when I feel like this, (I should say when I don't feel) I am considered moody and depressed by the people around me. I was just wondering if other people got the same absolute nothingness, and you are able to tell that you are really feeling nothing.

Animals not people
04.08.2015 _T('by') DXS

I cried when my dog died when I was a child. And when my cat recently died a week ago, I cried and cried. But I didn't cry at my father's funeral. I just didn't feel any sort of "attachment" to my father.

"Family" to me is "a unit of people you were born into and thusly you have obligations toward." I think this is more of a statement about my family than about Alexithymia.

Animals not people - I can totally relate
20.08.2015 _T('by') emmy42

First off: I am very glad that I have finally managed to find out why I feel what I feel, i.e. not much.

For some reason I can only seem to have any conscious emotions when animals are involved. So far they have been the only reason why I have ever consciously felt blissfully happy or really sad.

People... less so. The first time I got the idea that I was different was when I was leaving my parents for several months to go to another country/continent. They were all crying and upset etc but inside I felt absolutely nothing. I thought I was completely emotionless until I started crying as well - and I had no clue why!

That is when I started suspecting that there was a lot more going on inside of me than I was aware of.
It does feel rather strange, more like a marionette that is played by an invisible puppeteer rather than a robot, as I have read people describe alexithymia.
The major problem I have is that I can never really tell how I am reacting to a situation, as I outwardly might look enthusiastic/happy/sad etc while not actually feeling any of it and that I am sometimes feeling sad or elated without actually having any clue why.

I also do not know why so far animals have been the only ones to elicit any empathy in me. Show me a charity ad featuring abused or deprived kids - I feel nothing; show me a charity ad for abused animals and my heart bleeds.

At least now I can do some further research into this and try to understand myself better.

Me too
21.08.2015 _T('by') DXS

I also do not know why so far animals have been the only ones to elicit any empathy in me. Show me a charity ad featuring abused or deprived kids - I feel nothing; show me a charity ad for abused animals and my heart bleeds.

Me too. I cry and cry and have to turn the channel when I see ads for cruelty to animals. However, the children ads, nothing..........

Similar
21.08.2015 _T('by') mafstew

I felt exactly this way until I had my own child. She is the only thing I'm really able to have particularly strong feelings about. Oh, and I cried a river when my old cat passed away last year.

Similar
22.08.2015 _T('by') BYO

I am told being involved in a traumatic experience as a child or witnessing such can often lead to this mistrust or disconnection with human emotions. Animals always offer genuine affection unless of course they have suffered human abuse in the past as well

animals....
26.08.2015 _T('by') kat3lb

I used to work as a veterinarian and often had to do euthanasia. The owners of the animals always used to cry. The only thought I used to have was the perception of how peaceful the animal looks once it dies. I never understood why no one else saw it and why does it not bring any comfort to the owners.

You said it
27.08.2015 _T('by') DXS

The major problem I have is that I can never really tell how I am reacting to a situation, as I outwardly might look enthusiastic/happy/sad etc while not actually feeling any of it and that I am sometimes feeling sad or elated without actually having any clue why.

This is it, basically. I fake it when I feel I need to, then there are situations where I "feel" something but can't "name" it.

Animals looking peaceful?
27.08.2015 _T('by') DXS

Actually, I didn't get to see this, as my cat was on the table with it's back toward me. I didn't get to see it's face. Now I wish I had looked at it's face. Aw man, I missed something!

Similar
21.09.2015 _T('by') ZI

When my hamsters died, I was not sad. It's the same when my grandmother died, I just said "She's been sick for a while. It's the circle of life". I am actually close to my grandmother, she practically raised me

Cheerful neutral
22.12.2015 _T('by') CV

This sort of response makes my family think I'm a sociopath. My cat was bitten by a snake and died when I was away, and since I was fond of the cat, they thought I would be upset. The fact is we lived in a wilderness area, there was a high population of snakes, the possibility was there that she would be bitten, it was a natural and understandable happenstance. She was a nice cat, but that's life.
The feeling of nothing to me is my favourite. A kind of cheerful neutral, where things can get done and experiences can be had in a clear, engaged manner. It is a feeling of stability and ease.

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