Topic: Thinking about getting married - anyone with experience to help advise?

English Alexithymia Forum > Personal Experience

Thinking about getting married - anyone with experience to help advise?
21.08.2015 by Stanno

It seems to make logical sense to get married - we are well suited and she is pretty understanding of me. she's like to get married and I figure if I'll marry anyone it should be her so it's a choice of marriage or live alone the rest of my life. I'm not against living alone, especially the next 10 years say.
I'm fairly well off and handsome and intelligent and sporty and can be charming - this makes me feel like an alpha male which in turn makes me have a bit of a wandering eye. That doesn't mean I would do anything, because I know the initial lust would run out and I would be left back where I am now. But it does make it frustrating to be in a committed relationship rather than being free to enjoy the candy on offer everywhere.
So are there any married, strongly alexi, guys out there who can relate and share how things have gone for them?

thanks,

Stanno

Response
02.09.2015 _T('by') maccheese

I'm not a male, but can relate to the "wandering eye" thing I guess. I've been married 7 years and I always had an inkling that the one person only for the rest of your life giving you everything you need thing, just didn't make sense to me. After going for marriage, which I though made sense; nice guy, would make a great father; I discovered that the one person only just doesn't work for me. I now identify as polyamorous and prefer to have the freedom and no limits on experiencing people and how I express myself. Does this cause a problem in my marriage? Yep, we're working on it. I suggest that if you even think an exclusive monogamous marriage won't work, that you have these discussions with your fiancé now.

Sometimes you don't know until you do....
03.09.2015 _T('by') DXS

I have known, intellectually, since age 12 that I never wanted to marry. But I had to go through all the "relationships" (because, "it's what you're supposed to do") to finally figure out I REALLY DID NOT WANT to marry.

I'm sorry you actually got married before you realized this.

You are caught between what you feel and what you are "supposed to" (expected to) feel.

thanks
05.09.2015 _T('by') Stanno

thanks for the replies. to confirm : we aren't married, I'm just thinking it might be for the best if we did.
if i were alone I'd have the odd fling but girls here generally expect commitment, marriage, and kids. ideally I'd have a few gfs who live in their own houses and we meet every now and then, but that's just not on the cards so I'm wondering if the next best thing is to marry this girl.

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