28.05.2017 by manarina2000
hi..i hope all of u can help me.. im 17 years old.i m at boarding school..so i often spend time with my friends... many problem occurs..such as exam, i lost my smartphone.. but my reaction to this problem just.. owh..okey.. something that look cools..n dont cry or something looks sad..my frend always do not satisfied on how i react. they do not understand why i react just like that..even when we just had tough examination.. for me..i thought that everything i just let them be..let god do his works for me.. i dont know how to explain.. when im a little girl ..around 7 years old..when my mother buy furniture..i dont felt to see it..in fact i want..but i dont want to show my exitement..as i dont like to compete with my brother..he always want to win..everything tht my mom buy..he wants it..until one day..im give up to compete with him..when im 5 years old..he once bite me..bcoz we compete to answer the phone..he always bully me..i hate him until now...now..my friend n family always think that i dont care if they did bad to me.. for example..my friend will straight forward about their feeling to me..im hurt..but i dont show it..as i also straight forward to them how i felt..i love one my friend very much as she care to me.. her touchness make me felt exited.. i feel someone cared for me..but its just my imagination..she do not care too much to me..huhu..but sometime she cares..i dont know how to explain..but i felt her love..i love her than my mom..my mom..i felt awkward.. i dont know why..mybe my mom dont reallly care about me since i was little kid..mybe..so..my friend always call me do not have emotion..bcoz i dont react to anything..my family also told me that im too relax..same like my friend..for me..over react is just for drama..so d u think i have this simptom? for 17 years old girl? but i know how others felt..but i just let them be..i dont want to conceal with it..i also ignore my feeling..but when sometime at night..i remember all those hurt..the hurt that no one care about me..it ache my heart very much..i felt it physically..what is my problem? someone..please help me..i cannot tell anyone..bcoz i donno how to tell anyone with word.. i dont like to talk about my feeling to others..until one day..my friend ask me how i felt as they do not know how i felt..