Topic: No idea

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No idea
02.02.2018 by vanessa2010

I don’t know
Well I lied I know something
Yesterday I was alone with my sister and I don’t know why but I just started thinking and I realized that I don’t know what I am feeling anymore. All I know is that I feel some kind of weird pressure on my chest. And I didnt realize that until yesterday. And then, I tried to remember when was the last time that I could really know or descubre what I was feeling. I remember it was the last time that I discussed with my father over a year ago. I remember that he said bad things to me and I remember that it hurt me. It was the worst pain that I had ever felt. I remember that it hurt me but I don’t remember how it felt do you understand? I don’t know how to explain it I mean I know that it hurt me but I don’t remember how it felt. And then we didn’t spoke for like a week or more. And the truth is that I didn’t care. I didn’t care that he ignored me or that I ignored him I just go on with my life. Then he felt sick and he almost died
And you know why? I didn’t care too
In that moment I knew something bad was wrong with me but I didn’t put any attention

I can laugh I can cry but I don’t know what I’m feeling you know
I laugh but I don’t feel happy
I can cry but I can’t describe what I feel
Today my dad was going to be operate
And I didn’t care too
I mean I wanted that all went well
But I didn’t feel nervous or interested
Actually I don’t feel interested with no one or anything

Still have no idea
02.02.2018 _T('by') vanessa2010

I have a sister and I know that I would die for her if it was necessary
But I don’t know
I talk to her I play with her I caressed her because I know that she need that
I spent more time with her than my parents
I also sometimes hug my family cause I know they need that because they are loving people
But I am not and I know that when I don’t accept a hug they feel bad and I don’t want them to feel bad
But is more like mechanic
I know what I have to say I know what I have to do
I never argue with anyone because I don’t care enough
I wasn’t like that before
I know that I felt and ai could know what it was
I know that some time ago I was happy I was sad I was angry I was emotional
I know I was but I don’t remember how it feels
Some friend of mine call me cruel
And I know that I had to feel bad for hurting her
But I didn’t I didnt feel bad and I didn’t feel happy
I just didnt care


04.02.2018 _T('by') Artfunkel

If you changed, you can change back too. Have you talked to your parents about this?

Also, I have to ask...is 2010 the year in which you were born?

blah
07.08.2018 _T('by') alexxithymia

I am the same way. I do not cry or feel sad when humans are going through something emotionally or even when they die. I just feel... blah. Possibly because I was never emotionally connected to them in the first place. I can regularly express emotions of content or happiness but sadness, anger, affection and empathizing with someone else escapes me. Mine occurs more so when I am going through a depressed state which, if it does occur, last for a couple of months and when I am depressed I do not eat (odd) so I am just an emotionless, malnourished, depressed bag of F U lol.
I recently have just emotionally hurt my business partners and I feel bad but I can not express how sorry I am to them. On one hand I want to mend the amazing friendship that I have destroyed with them, on the other hand I just want to go to work and leave and go on with my day/life. Partially because I am depressed about someone I had relations with that went sideways 2 months ago. I went through the most disrespectful, embarrassing and taunting situation I have ever had to endure. Though I was a raging, boiling, erupting volcano inside, I could not bring myself to express those emotions. A co worker of mine was amazed at how I could come to work, see their face multiple times a week and still be okay. She actually said she was PROUD of me and commended me for my maturity and how I handled everything LOL, shocked and impressed and ADMIRES my reaction, inside I just say "if you only knew how many times I do this a year" smh. People hurt me, screw me over, take advantage of me and I just move on accepting it and taking that L in life. Im just a professional at suppressing my emotions. I blame my parents for it but that is a topic for another time.

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