Topic: Why not just have fun and not get emotionally connected?

English Alexithymia Forum > General Information

Why not just have fun and not get emotionally connected?
05.03.2018 by Kitia

Hello to whoever decided to actually read this.
I just need some advice and here seems to be the right place to get it.
I have three best friends and I love them so much, but one of them I have told I didn't want to hear anything about her relationships because I found the topic to be weird, she understands, but I feel like we are now more distant.
To the topic of relationships I haven't 'dated' anyone since...like....sixth grade because I feel like doing that is and awkward situation to put yourself in. I've tried to talk to people, then broke it off right after because I felt weird.
I have never seen the point in dating someone. Why not just have fun and not get emotionally connected?

Do you ask others to answer a question you pose to yourself?
11.03.2018 by Z

It is a fact that emotions distort rationale and constitute a great threat to personal balance. Emotions are for the weak.
As for dating, gals are unbalanced and they have frivolous demands as they consider themselves potential wives. One way is to manipulate them by treating them as if they were wives until you fulfill your purpose. The other way is to treat them as if they were moms, which inverts the roles. This way you manipulate them effectively using their emotions. Although they are very prone to being driven to adopt the mentality you want, when you ask them out they get confused and feel awkward like you.
Possible reasons are: They wouldn't date their kids, they take their role seriously and they don't want to have fun with their kids, they are subject to stereotypes, they don't know want they want, they feel scared or deceived.

So you see a case, where emotional connection is fully established, however, dating and having just fun doesn't occur.

You need to use more advanced techniques so that you both achieve the means, emotional connection, and you get the result of manipulation. In theory, the best practice in such a case is to cause ambivalence to moms. That is, you both connect with them emotionally as a kid and as a possible husband so that they get confused and you have the benefits from the mom and the control of the husband. You drive them emotionally as a kid and when it comes to dating, you treat them as if you were a possible husband. Surprise attack is an effective method. Besides women don't know what they want and they will let you decide. Once you get the date, you will treat them again as if you were their kid. Then there is not going back for moms, since the vast majority of them are narcissists and consider taking back their decision is an immature decision. There are definitely other successful practices to emotionally manipulate moms as well, and get the date, with or without the emotional connection. It must depend on the case. They should not understand that they are being manipulated in any case and if they suspect being tricked, then you should not change behavior or give signs of guilt.

I don't know if my advice fits your case, as you are a female, but I don't care as well.

My experience
17.04.2018 by DraScuS

Alexi didn't cause any significant problems in my life(Probably because I'm only 15, and haven't got into any relationships yet). For me, the most bothering thing is that my friends and family members seemed to be confused by my symptoms, therefore sometimes humiliates me as "showing a numb face intentionally". I agree on the statement that emotional connections are not needed, but I would try to maintain connections that already existed though.

There are reasons
15.05.2018 by bpaull

For the vast majority of people you meet emotions are very important. Much like eating and sleeping is to you emotions are to them. They can and often do die if their emotional needs are not met.

By telling your friend not to talk about their relationship, to them, you have declared you no longer being interested in their well being.

I know it seems ridiculous but I have spent much time observing them as possible and that seems to be the closet analogy I can draw.

As for relationships, they are to say the least challenging. If you do not feel drawn to them, do not let yourself be drawn into them. It will be beneficial for you and likely the people who would be interested in a relationship with you to avoid it all together.

23.12.2018 by IrishLady

@Z, I hope your answer is a joke. And if it isn't I hope that you do not represent a typical Alexi! Because if you do, I am suddenly very scared.

@Kitia, what bpaull has answered is very true. Emotions are (to those without Alexi) vital for our mental health... the same way food and exercise is vital for our physical health. It is true that people can actually die because their emotional needs are not met. (That's an extreme example though).

You can think of it like this - just like you need to eat/drink/urinate, we need to have healthy emotional connections.

24.12.2018 by Jute

IrishLady: from the content of your post it appears that you are not Alexithymic. So I'm wondering why you're posting on an Alexithymia forum and why you are explaining how non Alexithymic's need healthy emotional connections? I can't speak for other people who use this forum but I can speak for myself. I know]/i] what makes non Alexithymics tick, I've lived among them for my entire life and been told ad nauseum how I 'should' respond to stuff that means absolutely nothing to me. I also know that cats like milk and that whales swim in the ocean, but what relevance do any of those things have to Alexithymia?

25.12.2018 by IrishLady

Hi Jute, to answer your questions...
why you are explaining how non Alexithymic's need healthy emotional connections
I was responding to the original poster (Kitia) and elaborating on what bpaull also answered.

why you're posting on an Alexithymia forum
I was directed here by a friend of mine who recently shared that she's alexithymic.

And as for people in your life telling you how you should or shouldn't respond to things (usually unsolicited advice), how great it must be for them to know everything.

31.12.2018 by oalineo

We can't ask the non-Alex to try to understand us if we don't try to do the same...

I think it's difficult for someone to understand what it's like to be an Alex as it is for an Alex to understand emotions people can feel.
But the only difference is that non-Alex don't feel alone or weird because they are considered like the "normal" ones...

The important is to try to understand each other without judgement.

I don't feel emotions but I accept the reactions of the people around me even though I don't understand them and people around me have learned to accept my lack of reactions/emotions even if it still seems weird to them.

So thank you IrishLady for trying to understand us !

01.01.2019 by Jute

We can't ask the non-Alex to try to understand us if we don't try to do the same...

The important is to try to understand each other without judgement.


They are your subjective opinions and you are perfectly entitled to hold and express them. They are however yours and yours alone, they are not the consensus of opinion of any imaginary 'Alexithymic Community.' I personally don't ask anyone to understand me and I've had a lifetime's worth of other people telling me how they feel. I frankly don't care how other people feel, it has no relevance to me whatsoever. Likewise I don't expect other people to have any interest in my feelings, in fact I don't want them to have interest in my feelings.

02.01.2019 by oalineo

you're right, it's just my subjective opinion as you give your subjective opinion.
everybody has right to say what they think.

and in fact, we think the same because I said we can't ask others to understand if we don't but it also means that if you ask nothing you're not concerned about what I said...

but to have Alex doesn't allow not to respect the others.
even though we doesn't feel, it doesn't mean we don't know what is good or not.

my friends know I don't care about most of their stories but I let them share because even if it doesn't mean anything to me, I know it means to them so they're happy to do it and it changes nothing in my life.
but it's my choice, I decided to do that and I don't say that it is the right way, everybody deal with their condition as they want/can.

but if someone is interesting in knowing about my condition, I don't see why I wouldn't try to explain or why I would reject them.

you can be Alex and open-minded.

31.01.2019 by Gluskin

@Z
Usually people shouldn't judge someone they don't know too fast or harshly; but that doesn't apply to morons who asks for it. Blind people like you, (morons, fuckers, assholes, misogynistic pieces of shit) who lives in their little biased black or gray world needs a goddamn reality check, fast and hard.

You're probably that type of men who thinks everyone who makes cool/fun, logical statements on the internet are men only. That only women can be emotionally unstable and irrational (humans are humans and both have emotions and can be overreacting etc; this all comes down to PERSONALITY and NOT gender). All the goddamn stereotypes humans are capable to invent. And there are a shitload unfortunately.

Thus you must also think that the majority of people writing here are men. That the majority of alexi are men; that the texts you can relate to/have related to are from men only as well. Your head must be so far up your ass that you don't see shit clearly.

You have no idea how many times I was mistaken for a man on the internet; phrases, attitude, my drawings/parodies (because only men can draw well and do humor well, huh). So the same applies to this site, you may think you read from men but it may as well be the opposite.

Probably that type of men who are used to lie to themselves about the truth even when said truth hits them right in the face; because it's easier to flee reality, to think that your own world represents facts. When I read bullshit like you wrote, I can't decide whether I need to laugh out loud or gauge my eyes out then shoot myself. Sure some women are fucking unstable, illogical, way too emotional etc; but you,re fucking wrong if you think those traits only apply to women.
Same goes for if you think ''men traits'' only apply to men.

Fuck man you need to wake the hell up. Sad shit is you probably never will.

NO not all men are the same and NO not all women are the same. If it were true, and all men were stupid blind fucks like yourself, then I wouldn't have male friends. And if I was as stupid and easy to manipulate, or as emotional etc than the type of women you wrote about (that you take advantage of because you're an ass); then I wouldn't have male friends either.

And I know this will have to be repeated until this stupid specie becomes instinct because there have always been retards like you and always will be. So we're fucked.
But it keeps pissing me off whenever I come across one, because I can't believe blind fucks like you exist; ruining it for everyone else. Just as stupid women ruin it for clever ones. The same shit goes on and on and on and on........

And then when something don't go your way or someone calls on your bullshit; you report them? Because you get scared? Because you lose?
Your way of thinking is fucked.
People don't come from molds, some people are the same; they follow a goddamn pattern. But you'd have to meet everyone on this planet in order to affirm one man/woman represents the whole gender.

You might not even read this, but I'm certain you won't appreciate someone ramming your face in your own feces. Especially not a woman (only a woman in body but not mind; because society is fucked up and creates molds too).
So go ahead, report me too, you little pussy.


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Alexithymia - emotional blindness - is a personality trait characterized by the inability to identify and describe emotions in the self. Core characteristics of alexithymia are marked dysfunction in emotional awareness, social attachment, and interpersonal relationship.
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