Topic: Is there a way to teach myself to feel right?

English Alexithymia Forum > Personal Experience

Is there a way to teach myself to feel right?
20.01.2013 by chelsea

I have always responded to certain situations (ie: death, tragedy, stress, change...). I don't get excited for vacation, stressed in 'stressful' situations, and I have trouble feeling sadness or deep emotional connection in the ways that I feel like other people do. Just wondering if there's a way that I can fix this... I would really like to experience the things I see those around me experiencing.

That's the million dollar question there...
27.01.2013 by mindspore

If there is an answer to it I don't know that anyone has found it yet. But you should keep in mind that all of those things that you see other people experiencing, they have no control over. People who feel their emotions are just as locked into them as you are locked out. Sometimes that is good, sometimes it's a form of living hell for them. When things are going badly for others in those 'stressful situations' it's nice to have your own personal 'eye of the storm' where it's all calm.
As far as teaching yourself to 'feel right', have you ever felt anything? Has there ever been something happen to you, or some movie you've seen, or a book that you've read where you felt something? Without some starting point to build from I can't think of any way to 'teach the blind to see' (so to speak). Without some innate basis of natural feeling on your part it would be like trying to depict the Mona Lisa in braille.

In my own experience:
16.05.2013 by elvis92

I've had that "awkwardness" from time to time. Fortunately, those I've mentioned it to at the time understood what I intended when I tried to explain. I have found, though, that developing what one might call a "personal mythology" has helped; that is, establishing a personal set of emotional symbols (for me, via comic books and popular media culture) enables me to create a "language" to explain feelings with.

Meditation
07.06.2013 by jpax

I found comfort in meditation and what is called in french by a french psychiatrist (I'm french ;) ) "la pleine conscience" which i would translate into "full consciousness"...i'll try to explain :

First you have to understand that your mind is always messing with you, try to make you think to something, always! For example, try to stare at a pen without thinking for a minute......impossible!! Now hurt your knee on the living room table and try to convince yourself with your brain that it doesn't hurt...I tried, it won't work!! Now try to convince yourself with your brain that your knee hurt without hurting yourself on the living room table.....impossible!! In other words, your brain/mental is always poping up in your life trying to convince you of what is true or not about feelings and emotions and your mental is a bad liar! The only gateway to your emotions is your body! Now that you understood that, I'll explain why meditation is helpfull!

Contrary to what people commonely believe, meditation has very little to do with the mind and a lot to do with the body! I went to several sessions with a "meditation master" before i could meditate on my own so i would recommand to find someone like this first. A meditation session starts with relaxation, you lay down and start with the top of your head, relaxing every part of your body down to your feet! While doing this, try to focus on your breath, feel the difference of temperature between the inhaled air and the exhaled air. Try to feel the contact points of your body on the bed, try to feel the differences of temperature between your body parts...while doing this, you will notice your mental is taking you elsewhere, that you are not paying attention to your body or your breath anymore.....that's ok, it's normal!! Just come back to your breath, slowly focus on the way you breathe and relax...feel your body!! And again, you're mental will pop up, but you will go back to your breath again and again!! That is an every day training!! It is very important to understand that you cannot stop your brain from thinking and trying to control your life, but you can nevertheless train yourself to see it poping up! And the more you train, the faster you'll detect it!!
The first sessions will be hard and you won't see any benefits of them!! I trained a whole month without seeing any improvement, only fighting with my brain, loosing the little relaxation i was getting!! But a great guy said (usain bolt ;) ) if the training is hard then the competition is easy!!! And you have to hold on to that!! Keep training, it'll send your mental the following messages "screw you i don't want to let you lead my life anymore!!" And day after day you will gain terrain, it's a real fight, but it's worth it!
After sometime, you will realise that every time your brain pops up, you'll be able to detect it and go back to your body and that is when you will realise that when coming back to you, parts of your body are not relaxed anymore, that is the effect of the mental : tension!! And if you are tensed, your sensation cannot flow through you, everything is blocked! That's what happens when you hurt your knee! Are you relaxed or tensed?? Tensed of course, trying to block the pain!! Well, that's what happens with every feeling!! Good and bad!! So after a while, you will finally be relaxed during most of your meditation session, this when you can start to listen to your body for real...you just have to stay there and listen to your body, don't try to feel something or you may be disapointed if you don't, just welcome every sensation that is already here...every sound as a vibration, not annoying, not soft, just a sound, a vibration and keep listening to your body, focus on your breath and don't try to kick out your mental, just detect when it pops up and focus on your body and your breath again and again.

After a while, i started to feel things i had never feel before...it's hard, sometimes disapointing, but if you try not to have a goal, you won't be disapointed, do not judge the sounds around you, you will realise they are just vibrations and they won't bother you when you are meditating! Breath, inhale life and exhale anger!

Be well :)

It's always possible to access alternate ways of thinking and being...the mind in infinite.
11.09.2013 by bridgeworkerbee

The mind is absolutely our best toy, our most powerful equipment, and greatest advantage. For instance, I was struck by that comment about enjoying the Mona Lisa by using Braille. I am not fully blind, but my boss is. He can understand descriptions of colour, texture, the implications of expression, perspective/position, composition, choice of backdrop...all as provided in the written word...written in Braille. My boss helped me expand my appreciation of art by accessing it from a completely new point of view (so to speak/no pun intended).
You are not broken, so don't worry about fixing yourself.
There is something unique and special, that is yours to enjoy and to share if you chose to.
Go for that. It's really, really worth the effort!

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